Winning Parenting Skills
Winning Parenting Skills
© ARC 13 April 2011 RMN
For two decades my life was devoted to being a `surrogate mother’ for children ages birth to twelve at the Children’s Schoolhouse that I founded as a board and care around-the-clock non-profit service out of my large home for low to middle income families. I love children and was blessed to be raised by first generation Italian parents who instilled in their children love of family, religion, freedom. This was juxtaposed by a private school education only made possible because of special church collections for families marginalized by economics and ethnicity.
I was raised in what is commonly called `old school’ principles that referred to strict respectful obedience to family and those in positions of authority. There were no `ands, ifs or buts’. This disciplined environment only worked when the child truly felt respect in return; experienced nurturing love that cultivated a reciprocity of familial harmony and happiness. I was also taught to stand up against `evil/negative’ forces.
There is a popular TV show called Super nanny - it is excellent.
http://abc.go.com/shows/supernanny
Children need the most: nurturing love, structure, firm discipline. Nurturing love is praise, hugs, smiles, discourse, interaction time like being cuddled as you read to your child and/or together. Sharing music and dance (folk dancing is phenomenal) and playing games is honey in pure form.
The basics of food and shelter, of course, are a priority. But sometimes parents believe they need to `follow’ TV advertising to keep their child happy. This is foolish and sabotage thinking. The best memories for a child are the ones that `don’t cost a cent’: family walks to parks - playing games together (outdoor and indoor) - singing songs - acting out plays - reading! If you have several children, it is imperative that you find `solo’ time with each one. Buying one technical gadget after another and/or toy to keep them occupied succeeds for a little while to keep them busy, but the best `gift’ you can give them is take them to the library for a library card.
And teach them the basics of money now: what things cost, how to save, etc. A child learns the joy of labor through chores that are done and well praised. Allowances should be age appropriate; if they want something major - teach them to save up and go fifty-fifty with them.
Children thrive on a balance of passive/active play. Up to about seven the norm is usually half hour each. For example, a half-hour of arts/crafts followed by half-hour outside play. Meals every four hours with a mid fruit snack is excellent. Beginning at very young age, introduce water, fruits and vegetable snacks versus candy or soda.
Parents often have a `hard time’ with discipline and structure. Alas, that’s when reports from teachers start taking a negative tone. The typical is anything from: not paying attention, negative energy, hyper, disturbing.
Children need to understand their responsibilities, what is expected of them. They have a right to fairness and an expectation of success.
Suggestion: kneel down with eye contact to your child; in a positive, loving voice explain how `rules and consequences work’ for you as an adult, and for the child. For example: when you drive, you must obey the rules of the road. If you don’t, people could get hurt; if you break the law, you pay a ticket and/or could even go to jail. The same for a child. The rules are: obey, respect, study, learn, help out adults, play respectfully. If a child disobeys there is first a firm voice that says: no. If negative behavior is repeated, the parent takes the child aside and asks them: do you know what you are doing wrong? The child should be able to repeat this. If the child continues again, there should only be a look which immediately alerts the child to go to `time out’ place (corner chair) according to age. If the child is six, then it is six minutes. Another great way to reinforce positive energy control is to have the child `walk the house with baby steps - one in front of the other’. This guides the child to `slow down and think’ while disciplining energy. Of course, if this type of behavior is done before the child is even three, there will probably not ever be a need to go to advanced action as stated above. When a child is a toddler, the voice firmly saying NO should be enough. If it continues, simply pick the child up and sit the child away. In no time at all, the child learns: not listening separates from action and hears forceful voice. Parents who think that this is too strict are not helping their child - instead they are handicapping them.
Homework/study time should be after dinner for at least half hour. If no homework then reading in quiet area with no distractions like TV, radio. If a child is having trouble in school, try to get an `A’ student to tutor. Get help from `family’ - sometimes `one step removed’ has unique experience. Cuddling/reading together before bedtime is best gift you can ever give+###
© ARC 13 April 2011 RMN
For two decades my life was devoted to being a `surrogate mother’ for children ages birth to twelve at the Children’s Schoolhouse that I founded as a board and care around-the-clock non-profit service out of my large home for low to middle income families. I love children and was blessed to be raised by first generation Italian parents who instilled in their children love of family, religion, freedom. This was juxtaposed by a private school education only made possible because of special church collections for families marginalized by economics and ethnicity.
I was raised in what is commonly called `old school’ principles that referred to strict respectful obedience to family and those in positions of authority. There were no `ands, ifs or buts’. This disciplined environment only worked when the child truly felt respect in return; experienced nurturing love that cultivated a reciprocity of familial harmony and happiness. I was also taught to stand up against `evil/negative’ forces.
There is a popular TV show called Super nanny - it is excellent.
http://abc.go.com/shows/supernanny
Children need the most: nurturing love, structure, firm discipline. Nurturing love is praise, hugs, smiles, discourse, interaction time like being cuddled as you read to your child and/or together. Sharing music and dance (folk dancing is phenomenal) and playing games is honey in pure form.
The basics of food and shelter, of course, are a priority. But sometimes parents believe they need to `follow’ TV advertising to keep their child happy. This is foolish and sabotage thinking. The best memories for a child are the ones that `don’t cost a cent’: family walks to parks - playing games together (outdoor and indoor) - singing songs - acting out plays - reading! If you have several children, it is imperative that you find `solo’ time with each one. Buying one technical gadget after another and/or toy to keep them occupied succeeds for a little while to keep them busy, but the best `gift’ you can give them is take them to the library for a library card.
And teach them the basics of money now: what things cost, how to save, etc. A child learns the joy of labor through chores that are done and well praised. Allowances should be age appropriate; if they want something major - teach them to save up and go fifty-fifty with them.
Children thrive on a balance of passive/active play. Up to about seven the norm is usually half hour each. For example, a half-hour of arts/crafts followed by half-hour outside play. Meals every four hours with a mid fruit snack is excellent. Beginning at very young age, introduce water, fruits and vegetable snacks versus candy or soda.
Parents often have a `hard time’ with discipline and structure. Alas, that’s when reports from teachers start taking a negative tone. The typical is anything from: not paying attention, negative energy, hyper, disturbing.
Children need to understand their responsibilities, what is expected of them. They have a right to fairness and an expectation of success.
Suggestion: kneel down with eye contact to your child; in a positive, loving voice explain how `rules and consequences work’ for you as an adult, and for the child. For example: when you drive, you must obey the rules of the road. If you don’t, people could get hurt; if you break the law, you pay a ticket and/or could even go to jail. The same for a child. The rules are: obey, respect, study, learn, help out adults, play respectfully. If a child disobeys there is first a firm voice that says: no. If negative behavior is repeated, the parent takes the child aside and asks them: do you know what you are doing wrong? The child should be able to repeat this. If the child continues again, there should only be a look which immediately alerts the child to go to `time out’ place (corner chair) according to age. If the child is six, then it is six minutes. Another great way to reinforce positive energy control is to have the child `walk the house with baby steps - one in front of the other’. This guides the child to `slow down and think’ while disciplining energy. Of course, if this type of behavior is done before the child is even three, there will probably not ever be a need to go to advanced action as stated above. When a child is a toddler, the voice firmly saying NO should be enough. If it continues, simply pick the child up and sit the child away. In no time at all, the child learns: not listening separates from action and hears forceful voice. Parents who think that this is too strict are not helping their child - instead they are handicapping them.
Homework/study time should be after dinner for at least half hour. If no homework then reading in quiet area with no distractions like TV, radio. If a child is having trouble in school, try to get an `A’ student to tutor. Get help from `family’ - sometimes `one step removed’ has unique experience. Cuddling/reading together before bedtime is best gift you can ever give+###
posted by R. M. Namaste' at
April 20, 2011
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