Ode to Son/Daughter

Ode to son/daughter

In my early adolescent years I heard kith & kin say what I knew…I should have a dozen kids.
This belief was juxtaposed with the desire to run an orphanage ala Boys Town.
But my first marriage was incongruent. Prayers were constant for years…please no children yet. Five years later – desperate and lonely, I gave in…please God: send me a child. I became pregnant immediately with `miracle son’. I was fulfilled with motherhood; but discontented still with union. I foolishly left family to put distance between mate and me and filed for divorce. It was one of the worse decisions of my life. But life is a mystery and as the years progress, you realize it more and more.
Two years later I married again right before the birth of my daughter; new husband adopted son. There was a brief period of phenomenal joy and content for I was able with the start of a day care business to stay at home – enjoy the wonderment of full time parenthood.
My children had several `wonder years’ with happy parents – especially a father who introduced them to nature’s splendor…camping, skiing, hiking, Y-Indian Guides, Cub/Boy Scouts, Mini/Girl Scouts – sports were joyous times.
Alas my desire for more children was exterminated literally with undesired tubligation. My maternal need supplemented with establishing `surrogate parenting’ role – Children’s Schoolhouse. For two decades, countless infants, children loved by me.
Every once in awhile, I meet `one of mine’… tell him or her…you were in a holding pattern in the `ether world’ until you found a way to connect – blessed parents assumed my relapsed role.
I inevitably tell them about the `two miracles that made it’. I share unparalleled joy.
I tell them how blessed I am; how life would not have been Technicolor joy without them.
How does a mother express loving gratitude and pride over a son and daughter for their magnificent grace and unconditional love?
My first waking thought is to `thank God for life and them’. My first action of the day is to
`bend a knee’ in gratitude/homage.

They were always loved and appreciated. But humble gratitude exponentially accelerates daily – the result of the aftermath of evil attack on my life that left me `homeless and helpless’. The medical prognosis was potential nursing home. They didn’t accept that. I was immediately guided to hospital rehabilitation, then to `home’. They knew evil antithesis is love. Love poured on…continues to this day.

The mystery of it all is I truly don’t deserve it! Was I a good parent? In my `ego tripping’ days, I would grade myself a seven. In retrospect, confess: borderline five. Have they held resentments for ignorant mistakes, less than stellar parenting skills? No! Instead I see them with relationships and children far, far better at it than I ever was. It astounds me!
I was going to be super mom – have it all – career, social life, advanced education, family. I did but in the process, it was my children who got the `short end’ of the stick. The worst of it all is that it was the era of `feminist liberation juxtaposed with sexual revolution’. My persona felt liberated like an Asian woman getting feet unbound. Great for me, but without maturity crossed over to foolish irresponsibility with my children who never should have been exposed to such liberal unproven new age thinking. I never realized how much I must have hurt them until they were mature adults. What was one of the biggest mistakes? Yelling! I inherited the `parenting drill sergeant style’ – worked for order/discipline but in hindsight, I should have `rose above’ and matured to a `better calm and wise way’ to achieve peace/harmony/obedience.
There is no way you can make amends for ignorance, stupidity, carelessness. What gets even more poignant is the fact that `parental mishaps’ still occur without condemnation or admonishment.
Here’s the bonus. When they were born, my joy was juxtaposed with fervent prayer…
`Dear God – please guide them to be HOLY/GOOD!’ What did HOLY/good mean to me? Loving, respectful, decent, generous, kind, tender, androgynous, independent, autonomous, individuated, reasonable, classy, good natured, personable, friendly, fun, honest, sincere, warm, appreciative, sensitive, empathetic, and just, caring, sharing. I prayed for love of family, reading, divine nature.
And what is the blessing? Son and Daughter are all that and more!
What do I love experiencing the most? When there is a large family gathering…I see them greet loved ones individually with warmth, style, grace. In fact, those are the exact words my brother once expressed. I experience them going the extra mile in reaching out for `peace’ when there is discord – frankly awing me with their spiritual wisdom. Needless to say, when they go out of their way to defer to me with honorary respect, I soar.
I love their `equitable’ relations with one/all without any semblance of prejudicial selectiveness. I love their appreciation of nature and their interaction with environment. I love their closeness and familial bond. I love their love of sports and camaraderie with playing cards and games. I love their intelligence – their thinking style. I love how I see them go out of their way to help others – most of the time anonymously. I love how personal needs will often go on back burner as they reach out to `make someone happy’. I love their dedication to work – giving 150%+. I love their love of animals. I love their love of children with undivided attention. I love their love and devotion to their father. I love their devotion to country. I love their volunteer spirit. I love their fearlessness. I love their independence. I love their peer interaction and class act friendships. I love their ethics, morals, and values. I love their adventuresome spirit in learning. I love their respect to venerable. I love their class act giving. I love their lifestyles. I love their work ethic. I love their `surrogate’ parenting skills. I LOVE THEM!!! MJRRG