Patient Caretaker Hints

Patient/Caretaker Hints
© ARC 8/8/08 Please Save/Care/Share (Update 8/11/8)

Not too long ago I was violently assaulted -
42 stab wounds (one eye/brain - ear half severed -
first night wasn’t expected to make it
juxtaposed with threat of amputating both arms).

Through the grace of God, family, friends, associates
and even stranger’s prayers were answered.
Every moment I am so, so grateful and humbled at renewed life.

Needless to say the response of loved ones
was the most important to me…
just being there wrapped me
in a nurturing cocoon of faith and hope.

There is a induced shock over trauma
that frankly just doesn’t really go away…
but, I re-learned hints on how to deal with this
juxtaposed with wrapping the constant chronic pain in layers of healing.

Norman Cousins was given a `terminal’ prognosis…
with a mindset to `go out’ laughing
he imploded with `funny’ films…
reversing condition.

The healing paradigm has a plethora
of `proven’ statistics that
prayer, positive visualization, thinking, attitude
heals and rehabilitates.

The best physical thing that I did for myself was prayer…
rosary beads in hands, I superimposed prayer
over anything and everything…
at night I played a ocean tape and went to sleep
with prayer and positive affirmations:
day by day, minute by minute, second by second,
I am grateful to God for life; I am healing; I am feeling better;

…Mid morning and afternoon I would play
a self-hypnosis healing tape…
I rested and slept a lot.

I soon observed pain, anti-anxiety medication
contributed to zombie thinking which was negative.

I knew I could never `return’ to `old me’ -
I prayed for enriched `new me’ to go on in the hear and now
- not live in the dead past and/or the unborn future.

The best gift that I received was a Blockbuster
on line year subscription…
it wasn’t long before I became aware
that while being engrossed in a top notch film,
my mind was `distracted’ from the pain and trauma.

It is so easy to set up an on-line account;
absolutely phenomenal how it works…
the best plan to me was three at a time…awesome!

The second best gift was a home `spiritual healing massage’ -
Bible: healing on of hands.

As soon as possible, go to movies (no restaurants) -
eat popcorn/candy/soda - stimulates taste buds/group positive energy;
same for parks - sit and absorb God’s communion.

Empathy for family increased…
experiencing a loved one ill - in pain - is as traumatic to them.
They are under constant strain.

CA is one of the best states offering
in home supportive services especially for those on SSI -
health care providers will come to the home
to assist the primary caretaker.

For me, and I believe most,
there is a dread of hospital or nursing homes.
If the patient shouldn’t be alone while in initial recovery,
it behooves the caretaker to make sure there are multi breaks -
preferably entire weekends -
reaching out to family, friends, and health care system.

Primary to recognize is the `patient’ is beginning again -
much like the brilliant Montessori realized
working with brain injured children…
going back to the basics.

The patient is like a `child’
learning to eat, walk, talk, think, respond all over again.

We all recognize `seasonal’ personalities.
Spring: positive, cooperative, seeking, growing.
Summer: kick back, lazy, lackadaisical.
Fall: receiving, appreciation, increase.
Winter: hard, strenuous, dreary.

A patient with a `winter’ persona
is the most difficult to deal with…
they’re like a rebellious child.

The best response is to remember:
attention reinforces.

If a child for example is throwing a tantrum,
and you give this attention,
the negative behavior is `reinforced’.
If a child does something positive,
and hears: well done, that behavior is reinforced.

A mistake for example that parents often make
with children is reinforcing negativity with eating.

It’s not about `asking’ a child what they want;
it’s about providing quality to encourage good eating.
Find the smallest plate possible,
put a teaspoon amount on -
let the child/patient ask for more.

Seeing too much frightens the child/patient.
So, for example…breakfast…
put juice, fruit, one egg, ½ piece of toast
in individual tea cups.
Take it away if not eaten in a half hour.
Do similar all meals.
Protean is needed; also sugars for strength.
The patient will eat…
supplement with health drinks using a straw.
Snacking on crackers in between is not good…
decreases the appetite.

It’s all psychological -
and so important not to give in to `poor little ‘ol me thinking’.

Sometimes a loved one has to `tough love’ -
shock and/or extinction.

A criminal is shocked with society tough love
and exiled to prison.

When we `don’t give positive attention to a behavior,
we are attempting to extinct it.
If we don’t add `fuel’ to a fire (attention),
we are attempting to extinct it.

Not too long ago, my daughter bought me a new cell phone.
It arrived when she was out of town;
called me to make sure it arrived safely.
She asked: did I get it turned on.
I responded - no, I’ll wait ‘til you get home.
There was a `filled silence’…did you try?
I responded - no, too difficult.
Technical has always been difficult for me.
My self-taught computer resulted
in barely a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 in the past decade.
Much less did I want to attempt anything new now.
Again the silence - did you try?
Wow! I almost got an attitude -
I was not only surprised, was feeling downright disappointed.
But, I promised to `try’ -
an hour and a half later (yes with frustration),
I got it up and running - and then the eureka epiphany…
my daughter had to go in `tough love’ role
just as I would have done with her (especially when raising her)…

My most poignant memory of `tough love’
is the family story of my Aunt Freda and my mother.
Mom had polio as a youngster; left with horrible crippled feet.
After several operations,
doctor said no more and crutches were given to her
with the warning: don’t get used to them -
give them up as quickly as possible.
But Mom didn’t and wouldn’t.
My aunt Freda carried her on her back to school
in the rural farm community
that had no school buses in the early 1910’s.
She managed to the 7th grade.

A nearby fire had all neighbors
hurrying one night in horse drawn wagons…
as my mom sat in the wagon,
her siblings helped the adult bucket brigade.
Suddenly, Aunt Freda ran to the wagon
got my mother’s crutches and threw them in
to the horrified faces of everyone there.

With tears streaming, she told my mother:
I had to Guiseppina, the Dr. said!

So sometimes, loved ones/caretakers
have to resort to `tough love’…
bottom line: the best is to think of `re-training’ -
helping, guiding, nurturing loved one
to a better way of dealing with trauma, pain, illness.

Sometimes the patient just wants to `hide’ from it all -
avoid responsibility for self-care -
almost rebellious like a child will be
avoiding toilet training - what has to be, has to be.

You can’t go back into the past - it’s not possible.

You can do `dress rehearsals’
in the `here and now’ for the future…
the dress rehearsals are
to pray, think, act the `best’ possible way…
and the miracle of getting better - dealing - coping
increases and increases.

Prayer, positive thinking are miracles -
in the beginning it seems like `black and white’ -
it does evolve into Technicolor.
My prayers are constant for you/yours -
generic and familial - universal kith and kin.

God Bless+++###

Update: Library gets releases just like movie stores:
can order on line; have waiting; pick up - free!!!